I used to struggle with saying no but have learned that doing so helps me to focus on the things that give me purpose, meaning and self-respect. I love your post for all the insights you share about why it is hard to say no. Saying no to what doesn’t align anymore is an indicator self-growth, actualization and care.
It took me 40 years to learn to say no. It's a long journey for lots of us, it makes lots of people who used to assume we'd always say "yes" uncomfortable, but it's 💯 worth it
It’s so true—learning to say no is a journey, not an overnight change. And you’re right, it does make some people uncomfortable, especially those who benefited from us always saying yes. But the freedom, peace, and self-respect that come with setting boundaries? Completely worth it. It’s never too late to start choosing yourself.
Whoosh! 🤯Sara, this is so insightful and misunderstood by so many. Compulsive "yessing" leads us straight into the dreaded realm of "overpromising and underdelivering." This is a very dark, self-sustaining cycle of failure and guilt; failure because we have overcommitted ourselves, and guilt because we have failed to deliver on our promises. Thanks for sharing this and providing ways to avoid and/or overcome this ubiquitous and dangerous tendency. 🥺
Jim, you’ve captured it so well. That cycle of overpromising and underdelivering can be brutal—and so many of us don’t even realize we’re stuck in it until burnout hits. Thank you for reflecting on this with such depth. It’s conversations like these that help us all unlearn and begin again.
I find it hard to say NO because I am a people pleaser. My childhood experiences and traumas have shaped my life. I’m on a healing journey, and everything you shared here resonates with my life.
Yes Sally! Unlearning people pleasing is a journey, especially when it’s rooted in past experiences. It’s amazing that you’re on the path to healing—honoring your needs is a big step forward!
Absolutely, breaking old patterns takes time, but every small step counts! Honoring your boundaries is a powerful shift—cheering you on as you commit to it!
This is such a powerful reminder that saying no isn’t rejection Sara. It’s redirection toward what truly matters. The way you frame it as self-respect rather than selfishness is a game-changer. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting, but the clarity and peace that come from setting boundaries are priceless.
How did people in your life react when you first started saying no? Did any reactions surprise you?
Thank you, Karen! That shift—from seeing ‘no’ as rejection to seeing it as redirection—was truly life-changing for me.
And yes, some reactions definitely surprised me! The people who respected my boundaries stayed, and the ones who only valued my availability drifted away. And honestly? That was a blessing.
Yes, exactly! For so many of us, saying no feels uncomfortable at first because we’ve been conditioned to put others first. But as you said, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s how we show up as our best selves for others too.
Great article Sara! I know this pattern and how it is like a spiderweb. Generational pattern. Still learning to set and express those boundaries healthily- as well as internally :)
I love that analogy—a spiderweb is such a powerful way to describe how deeply ingrained these patterns can be. Breaking free from generational habits takes time, but awareness is the first step. You’re already doing the work, and that’s incredible! Thank you for sharing your perspective.
Great read Sara! I started to see saying no not as a rejection, but as a powerful yes - a yes to my values, my boundaries, and the things that truly align with me. It’s a game-changer when you realise that every no creates space for something better 💫
I love that perspective! Saying no isn’t about shutting doors—it’s about opening the right ones. When we protect our energy and align with what truly matters, we create space for opportunities that actually serve us. So glad this resonated with you!
I love that, Mara. There’s so much power in realizing that ‘no’ is a form of self-care and healing. Honoring your boundaries is such a beautiful way to reclaim your peace. Thank you for sharing this!
I used to struggle with saying no but have learned that doing so helps me to focus on the things that give me purpose, meaning and self-respect. I love your post for all the insights you share about why it is hard to say no. Saying no to what doesn’t align anymore is an indicator self-growth, actualization and care.
Whewww.
It took me 40 years to learn to say no. It's a long journey for lots of us, it makes lots of people who used to assume we'd always say "yes" uncomfortable, but it's 💯 worth it
It’s so true—learning to say no is a journey, not an overnight change. And you’re right, it does make some people uncomfortable, especially those who benefited from us always saying yes. But the freedom, peace, and self-respect that come with setting boundaries? Completely worth it. It’s never too late to start choosing yourself.
Whoosh! 🤯Sara, this is so insightful and misunderstood by so many. Compulsive "yessing" leads us straight into the dreaded realm of "overpromising and underdelivering." This is a very dark, self-sustaining cycle of failure and guilt; failure because we have overcommitted ourselves, and guilt because we have failed to deliver on our promises. Thanks for sharing this and providing ways to avoid and/or overcome this ubiquitous and dangerous tendency. 🥺
Jim, you’ve captured it so well. That cycle of overpromising and underdelivering can be brutal—and so many of us don’t even realize we’re stuck in it until burnout hits. Thank you for reflecting on this with such depth. It’s conversations like these that help us all unlearn and begin again.
Beautiful piece, beautifully written!
It's so important to reframe these seemingly helpful ideas that are actually rather destructive. Loved your framing and your recommendations!
Thank you, Kathy! Reframing is everything—it shifts our mindset from obligation to empowerment. So glad the message resonated with you!
I find it hard to say NO because I am a people pleaser. My childhood experiences and traumas have shaped my life. I’m on a healing journey, and everything you shared here resonates with my life.
Thank you for sharing this Sara!🌹
Yes Sally! Unlearning people pleasing is a journey, especially when it’s rooted in past experiences. It’s amazing that you’re on the path to healing—honoring your needs is a big step forward!
So true Sara. It is such a difficult pattern to break. Your suggested language is great. I am committed to use it… as soon as I can!
Absolutely, breaking old patterns takes time, but every small step counts! Honoring your boundaries is a powerful shift—cheering you on as you commit to it!
I know this all too well Sara! NO is a complete sentence. Took me a long time, but so glad I got it!
Yes! ‘No’ is a full sentence, and embracing that truth is so freeing. Glad you got there—it’s a game-changer!
Great advice, Sara. It took me nearly a lifetime to say no, and I'm glad I started!
So glad you did, Sheri! It’s never too late to start setting boundaries and prioritizing yourself. Proud of you!
This is such a powerful reminder that saying no isn’t rejection Sara. It’s redirection toward what truly matters. The way you frame it as self-respect rather than selfishness is a game-changer. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting, but the clarity and peace that come from setting boundaries are priceless.
How did people in your life react when you first started saying no? Did any reactions surprise you?
Thank you, Karen! That shift—from seeing ‘no’ as rejection to seeing it as redirection—was truly life-changing for me.
And yes, some reactions definitely surprised me! The people who respected my boundaries stayed, and the ones who only valued my availability drifted away. And honestly? That was a blessing.
For most of us "people pleasers", saying no to others for thinking about ourselves first feels rude and selfish.
And we don't want to be part of "those people".
But like you're saying, prioritizing ourselves over others is more an act of self-respect than selfishness.
After all, we can't be helpful to others if we're empty.
Yes, exactly! For so many of us, saying no feels uncomfortable at first because we’ve been conditioned to put others first. But as you said, we can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritizing ourselves isn’t selfish—it’s how we show up as our best selves for others too.
Yeah, well said. It’s how we show up as our best selves ‘cause we want to be as useful to others. But we need to do that for ourselves first.
Absolutely!! You’ve said it all! Thank you Juan!
Thanks to you. 😁
As a recovering people pleaser and enabler, I appreciate this post.
I love that, Charisse! Learning to put yourself first is so powerful. Glad this resonated with you!
Great article Sara! I know this pattern and how it is like a spiderweb. Generational pattern. Still learning to set and express those boundaries healthily- as well as internally :)
I love that analogy—a spiderweb is such a powerful way to describe how deeply ingrained these patterns can be. Breaking free from generational habits takes time, but awareness is the first step. You’re already doing the work, and that’s incredible! Thank you for sharing your perspective.
Great read Sara! I started to see saying no not as a rejection, but as a powerful yes - a yes to my values, my boundaries, and the things that truly align with me. It’s a game-changer when you realise that every no creates space for something better 💫
I love that perspective! Saying no isn’t about shutting doors—it’s about opening the right ones. When we protect our energy and align with what truly matters, we create space for opportunities that actually serve us. So glad this resonated with you!
Thank you for this. I feel so strongly that my healing is grounded in “no”.
I love that, Mara. There’s so much power in realizing that ‘no’ is a form of self-care and healing. Honoring your boundaries is such a beautiful way to reclaim your peace. Thank you for sharing this!