The Pressure to ‘Have It All’ and Why I’m Learning to Redefine Success
Because what if “having it all” was never the goal?
I’ve always been a doer. The girl with the plan. The backup plan. And the spreadsheet for the backup plan.
So naturally, I thought I could have it all if I just managed my time better. Wake up earlier. Be more disciplined. Be “grateful” even when I was crumbling. There was a season I was working full-time, running a nonprofit, planning a family, and still trying to be emotionally available for everyone—except myself.
And then I became a mom.
Whew. Nothing—and I mean nothing—humbles you like motherhood. Especially when you’re healing from surgery, still trying to be present for work, and wondering why your eyebrows haven’t been seen in weeks because, well… survival mode.
In those early months, I felt like I was failing at everything. My to-do list was a graveyard of unchecked boxes. I cried after doctor’s appointments. I forgot to eat. And yet—people still said I was “doing amazing.”
It made me pause.
Why do we only celebrate women when they’re pushing through? Why do we glamorize struggle and call it strength?
Here’s what I’ve learned: I don’t want that version of “all.” I want the kind that includes softness. The kind that makes space for naps and therapy and messy buns and laughing loudly at 2am with my husband because our baby has decided sleep is optional.
So I’m Rewriting the Script
My version of success today looks nothing like it used to.
It’s slower. More intentional. Sometimes it’s just brushing my teeth and stepping outside for air.
I still have goals—trust me, the fire is still there. But now I ask myself: What is this goal costing me? And if the answer is my peace, my joy, or my identity—then it’s a no.
Because I don’t want a life that looks good but feels empty.
Here’s What’s Helping Me:
Releasing timelines. Life is not linear. And neither is growth.
Choosing enough over endless. You don’t need to do more to be more.
Saying no—even to good things—so I can say yes to the right things.
Asking for help and receiving it without guilt. Still working on this, but whew—it’s been freeing.
If You’re In This Space Too…
I want you to know: you’re not behind. You’re just re-aligning.
Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s allowed to evolve. It should evolve.
Let this be your permission to drop the pressure. To define your enough. To want less noise and more meaning.
A Gentle Nudge
If any part of this spoke to you, ask yourself:
What version of success are you still carrying that no longer fits?
Write it down. Burn it if you want to. And then begin again—with your voice at the center this time.
Sculpted Thoughts ✨ | Mental Health • Career Growth • Personal Development
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I’m older now, and still living with vitality in my mid 70’s.
But I remember those days, young motherhood, and all the days, and years that followed into adolescence, teenage years, young adulthood etc…..beautiful & messy, stressful & rewarding. I look back and think “how did I do it?”, “how did I get through?”.
I didn’t have the experience of “pressure off”, and “good enough.” It was a constant high bar that could be crushing, crushing to the spirit.
My culture didn’t allow it, life didn’t allow it, and I didn’t allow it.
I’m rewriting my script now.
I’m not in the thick of raising my children, and in keeping the family engine oiled and running.
I’m kinder to & easier on myself these days.
When I feel the stresses of life mounting, I stop w thinking that I’m not doing enough, and I tell myself that I’m doing great, no additional pressure is wanted or needed.
I give the gift of that thinking, and that kind of praise to my children and my grandchildren.
I’m creating a new legacy, I’m breaking the cycle of unhealthy perfection, & constant doing.
It was wonderful & it is so very soothing to be reminded of “pressure off”, and “it’s ok”, and “I’m doing fantastic w just good enough”,
with “I’m allowed to enjoy my life without feeling guilty, and without having to justify or explain anything”.
What a welcomed post this was, thank you so much ! The reassurance “still” feels good and is much needed.
Thanks for the connection !!
Camilla
I’m exactly in this spot. Three years into motherhood and I’m finally letting go of the idea of “going back to normal.” I’m standing in this in-between space, reshaping my rhythm, learning what forward looks like 🙃