Breaking the 'One-Winner' Mindset
Why Women Thrive When We Lift Each Other Up
I come from a culture where competition among women is ingrained in us—where success feels like a limited resource, and the moment one woman rises, another feels like she’s losing ground.
I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. People withholding advice, refusing to share job referrals, watching each other struggle rather than extend a helping hand. Friendships ruined by silent comparisons, jealousy replacing genuine celebration. It was an unspoken rule: if you wanted to win, you had to do it alone.
I played that game for a while—because that’s what I thought success demanded.
In investment banking, it was ruthless. We weren’t just colleagues; we were competitors, fighting for clients, for deals, for the right to be at the top. In tech sales, it was no different. The fear of being outshined meant women hoarded knowledge, treating mentorship like a privilege few deserved.
But deep down, I knew: this wasn’t me.
This wasn’t the kind of success I wanted. This wasn’t the legacy I wanted to leave behind.
So I made a promise to myself: I would never again operate in a system that forced women to fight for one seat at the table. Instead, I would create more seats.
The Hardest Lesson in Community
When I moved to Canada, I had to start over. New country, new job market, no connections. Like anyone in my position, I reached out to people for guidance—specifically, to those in my racial and cultural community, thinking we’d naturally support each other.
Instead, I was met with closed doors.
"Start from the bottom, like we did."
"Go into retail or customer service first. You can’t just aim high."
It was discouraging, but the most painful moment came at a simple gathering with friends.
We were playing a game where we had to pair up based on our profession. I introduced myself as a project manager, excited to meet others in my field. But instead of support, I got rejection.
"You’re not one of us," another woman—also a project manager—said. "Go away."
The words stung. Not because I doubted myself, but because I realized just how deep this “one-winner” mentality ran.
That night, I made another promise: I would not keep knocking on doors that refused to open. I would build my own path.
Finding a New Way
I expanded my network beyond the familiar, stepping outside of my immediate community. That’s when everything changed.
I got introduced to the Halifax Partnership Connector Program, which led me to Jenna Poste, then VP of Product at a cybersecurity company.
Jenna was different. She didn’t see me as competition. She saw me as potential.
She shared knowledge freely. She connected me with people who could help. She celebrated my wins.
And that’s when I truly learned: There is room for all of us at the table.
Lifting another woman up doesn’t diminish your success—it amplifies it. Because when we support each other, we don’t just open doors—we build entire pathways.
This was the foundation of the ideology that shaped my nonprofit, Empower Her Mind (EHM).
Breaking the Cycle: Lessons I’ve Learned
If you’ve ever felt the weight of competition, the sting of exclusion, or the fear of being left behind, here are some hard-earned lessons I hope resonate with you:
The ‘one-seat-at-the-table’ mentality is a lie. Success is not a zero-sum game. If you don’t see a seat for yourself, build a bigger table.
Lifting others does not bring you down. Helping another woman shine doesn’t dim your own light—it creates a ripple effect of success.
Expand beyond what’s familiar. If your community isn’t opening doors for you, find a new one. Growth happens when you step out of your comfort zone.
Give without expecting something in return. The best relationships are built on generosity, not transactions.
If you don’t like the system, change it. We have the power to redefine mentorship, collaboration, and leadership.
Empowering Women, Together
Empower Her Mind was built on one core belief: we rise by lifting others.
I don’t give back because I expect something in return. I do it because I remember what it felt like to be excluded. I refuse to let another woman feel like she has to do it alone.
We are dismantling the one-winner narrative and creating a community where success is shared, not hoarded. Because when women come together, we don’t just succeed—we thrive.
Now, It’s Your Turn
This isn’t just my story. It’s our story.
Let’s keep this conversation going:
Have you ever experienced competition instead of collaboration in your career?
What’s one way you uplift the women around you?
Tag a woman who has helped you in your journey and celebrate her in the comments!
Let’s rewrite this narrative together. Let’s build together.
"Build a bigger table." Love that!
Sara, check out https://www.coralus.world/ where women LIFT each other with radical generosity.