Thak you for sharing. Last year I started attending Adult Children of Alcoholics & other Dysfunction meetings. Its been helpful to hear stories of recovery and progress, hear of others' pasts that sound familiar to mine, and have a path to work through my issues with support alongside therapy. Align & Thrive is only possible with this work.
I find ACA's Laundry List a powerful tool in recognizing the impact of the dysfunctional upbringing.
That’s incredible—there’s so much power in finding a space where your experiences are understood and validated. ACA does such important work in helping people recognize patterns and begin the healing process. The Laundry List is eye-opening—it’s like seeing pieces of yourself reflected back in ways you never fully articulated before.
Aligning and thriving takes deep, intentional work, and it’s inspiring to hear how you’re embracing that journey. Wishing you continued growth and healing—thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for your writing. As the first and only born, I felt a lot of pressure to be perfect. Years of therapy and raising my own kids has shown me that perfection is a trap. I’m trying to live out loud with my full self now, not just the shiny, pretty parts.
I love this—perfection really is a trap, and it’s so freeing to step away from it. Living out loud as your full self is such a powerful shift. Thank you for sharing this!
Sara thank you for sharing, can you imagine I learned that I have been with the hustle culture on this platform. Before that all I knew was push harder every single day.
It’s eye-opening, isn’t it? Hustle culture can be so ingrained that we don’t even realize we’re in it. Awareness is the first step—here’s to unlearning and redefining success on our own terms!
It's a great reminder that to break these loops, being aware is and accepting yourself without judgement is key. And then the true authentic self can radiate outwards. Thank you for sharing your story.
Such a beautiful reminder! Awareness and self-acceptance truly are the keys to breaking these cycles. When we embrace our authentic selves, it not only frees us but radiates outward to those around us. Grateful for your perspective!
Thanks for sharing, what helps with healing is reminding myself that My parents did what they thought was best and I’m now reparenting myself, making better choices and learning how to trust myself. As a first born, I struggle with asking for help and now I’m slowly unlearning that.
This is so powerful—reparenting ourselves is such deep, necessary work. Learning to trust yourself after years of self-reliance is no small thing, and unlearning the struggle of asking for help? That’s healing in action. Grateful you shared this!
Amazing post Sara, as a first born this really resonated. From your points on parentification to our parents trying their best through what they know, this post really helped process my experience growing up.
Thankfully I've recognised things I'll like to carry on for the generations after me and I find it interesting how when avoiding the healing process, we actually fortify those pathways of internalising and hiding our emotions. It is really important to recognise the impact that working ourselves can have on the people around us and I'm glad that you've confronted years of counterproductive practices that we've normalised. I'm sure every reader appreciates this! 🙌🏾
It’s so true—when we avoid healing, we unknowingly reinforce the very patterns we’re trying to break. But recognizing that cycle is the first step to shifting it. The fact that you’re intentional about what you’ll carry forward is powerful—that’s how real change happens. Grateful this resonated with you! 🙌🏾
This was a great read!! I have been on a similar journey. Therapy has been exponentially helpful, creating boundaries has been HUGE and understanding I can love family from afar and want well wishes from for them without sacrificing my peace. Another one I inherited was codependency, the result I married a narcissist and was with him for over a decade because I didn’t see anything wrong with it until he tried to punch me in the face. That was the frying pan moment and I escaped that relationship awhile ago and now I’m in a happy healthy and loving marriage but if it wasn’t for therapy I honestly would not have gotten as far as I have with breaking these chains and stopping the trauma at me. I wrote a piece similar to this but with a focused topic but the message is the same and I feel like I have to share it because you made one comment that makes me know you can absolutely relate to what I wrote like I relate to this entire piece. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. It’s a needed discussion and I wish posts like these and the one I pasted would go viral because more eyes need to see them and know they are in fact not alone on this journey we all call life. Xoxo
Thank you for sharing your journey—I deeply appreciate your honesty and resilience. It takes so much strength to break those chains, set boundaries, and reclaim your peace, and I love that therapy has been such a powerful tool for you. Your story is a reminder that healing isn’t just about leaving the past behind, but about creating something better moving forward.
I appreciate you sharing your piece as well—I’ll definitely take the time to read it. These conversations are so needed, and I’m grateful we can connect through them.
I just subscribed to your Substack as well! Looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Sending you love and appreciation for the work you’re doing! 💛
It's a wonderful topic, Sara, and one most adults can relate to with varying levels of personal impact.
For all the angst and damage, there was a moment that I recognized my parents - my mother's weakness, anger and barbiturate addition and my father's alcoholism - as, simply, human beings. Empathy followed.
The consequence of this for me was also to recognize that key childhood developmental progresses didn't happen. I was left to determine what they were and how to heal them. I've found peace in that process.
Thank you for sharing this, Linda. That moment of recognizing our parents as human—flawed, struggling, and shaped by their own wounds—is such a profound shift.
Empathy doesn’t erase the damage, but it does offer a new lens for healing. And I love how you’ve framed your journey—acknowledging the gaps in childhood development, but also taking ownership of your healing. There’s so much power in that.
As the third child I was the observer. With emotionally immature, alcoholic parents I was the blunt protester, the injustice questioner, the courageous one.
That did not prevent trauma from accumulating, low self esteem, social anxiety, and general confusion of my role in life as my life passion for a future was deemed inappropriate.
Counselling, ACA and a deeply moving and challenging personal growth program helped unwind all of that. ACA taught me to break free of my family role for which my siblings have never forgiven me - "you think you're better than us".
All was not well though. Deeply painful Jekyll and Hyde mother issues haunted me. Finally, at 61, a Body Talk therapist helped me finally free myself of that trauma, vanquishing the final toxic piece.
I have learned in my journey that you're never fixed. What takes place is the gained awareness of those self-defeating voices that turn into whispers that we can shush.
That’s such a powerful journey—one of deep awareness, resilience, and ultimately, freedom. Breaking out of a family role, especially one that’s been reinforced for years, is never easy, and the resistance from others can be its own kind of grief. But choosing yourself isn’t about being “better,” it’s about being free.
I love what you said about never being fully fixed—just more aware, more equipped to quiet the voices that once dictated our lives. That awareness? That’s everything. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for reading and for the recommendation! Good Inside has been on my list, and I’ve heard incredible things about Dr. Becky’s approach to parenting and healing. Breaking the cycle isn’t just about our own healing—it’s about creating a better foundation for the next generation. I appreciate you sharing this!
This is good. I hope more people get the courage to evolve and break toxic cycles like you are doing. While I don’t exactly relate to a lot of it because I’m a last child (although I’ve had to be a disrupter/cycle breaker as well) it’s generally tough because people tend to be stuck in their ways. I also think a greater part of healing happens in isolation to be very honest, it’s a lonely road with a lot of shedding and rebuilding
You’re so right—breaking cycles is hard, especially when people around us resist change. It takes courage to disrupt patterns, whether as the eldest, the youngest, or anywhere in between. And yes, healing can be incredibly lonely at times—there’s so much unlearning and rebuilding that happens in solitude. But even in isolation, we find others walking a similar path, and that’s where the real transformation begins. Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks for sharing this. I connect with this deeply and am writing a piece about it myself. Our initial reactions to things that make us uncomfortable is the past trying to reassert itself in our lives.
I love the way you put that—our discomfort really is the past trying to reclaim space in the present. Becoming aware of it is the first step to breaking free.
I’d love to read your piece when it’s ready—these are the conversations that push us toward healing.
Thank you! I’ll be posting my first piece in about a week. I hope you will subscribe. It’s finding authors like you and pieces like this that help reaffirm the path that I am on.
That means a lot—thank you! I’ll definitely keep an eye out for your piece. It’s powerful to see how these conversations connect us and reaffirm the healing work we’re doing.
I just subscribed, I hope you will too. Wishing you all the best as you share your story—I’m sure it will resonate deeply with so many.
Thak you for sharing. Last year I started attending Adult Children of Alcoholics & other Dysfunction meetings. Its been helpful to hear stories of recovery and progress, hear of others' pasts that sound familiar to mine, and have a path to work through my issues with support alongside therapy. Align & Thrive is only possible with this work.
I find ACA's Laundry List a powerful tool in recognizing the impact of the dysfunctional upbringing.
https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/
That’s incredible—there’s so much power in finding a space where your experiences are understood and validated. ACA does such important work in helping people recognize patterns and begin the healing process. The Laundry List is eye-opening—it’s like seeing pieces of yourself reflected back in ways you never fully articulated before.
Aligning and thriving takes deep, intentional work, and it’s inspiring to hear how you’re embracing that journey. Wishing you continued growth and healing—thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for your writing. As the first and only born, I felt a lot of pressure to be perfect. Years of therapy and raising my own kids has shown me that perfection is a trap. I’m trying to live out loud with my full self now, not just the shiny, pretty parts.
I love this—perfection really is a trap, and it’s so freeing to step away from it. Living out loud as your full self is such a powerful shift. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for sharing. So much resonates! I’m off to read it didn’t start with you 🙏🏻
I’m glad it resonates with you Angelina!! I’ll love to hear your thoughts once you’re done reading.
Sara thank you for sharing, can you imagine I learned that I have been with the hustle culture on this platform. Before that all I knew was push harder every single day.
It’s eye-opening, isn’t it? Hustle culture can be so ingrained that we don’t even realize we’re in it. Awareness is the first step—here’s to unlearning and redefining success on our own terms!
I want to be intentional, and I want tell myself to learn that yes, taking a break is okay.
It's a great reminder that to break these loops, being aware is and accepting yourself without judgement is key. And then the true authentic self can radiate outwards. Thank you for sharing your story.
Such a beautiful reminder! Awareness and self-acceptance truly are the keys to breaking these cycles. When we embrace our authentic selves, it not only frees us but radiates outward to those around us. Grateful for your perspective!
This is a really powerful perspective. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Megan!
Thanks for sharing, what helps with healing is reminding myself that My parents did what they thought was best and I’m now reparenting myself, making better choices and learning how to trust myself. As a first born, I struggle with asking for help and now I’m slowly unlearning that.
This is so powerful—reparenting ourselves is such deep, necessary work. Learning to trust yourself after years of self-reliance is no small thing, and unlearning the struggle of asking for help? That’s healing in action. Grateful you shared this!
Amazing post Sara, as a first born this really resonated. From your points on parentification to our parents trying their best through what they know, this post really helped process my experience growing up.
Thankfully I've recognised things I'll like to carry on for the generations after me and I find it interesting how when avoiding the healing process, we actually fortify those pathways of internalising and hiding our emotions. It is really important to recognise the impact that working ourselves can have on the people around us and I'm glad that you've confronted years of counterproductive practices that we've normalised. I'm sure every reader appreciates this! 🙌🏾
It’s so true—when we avoid healing, we unknowingly reinforce the very patterns we’re trying to break. But recognizing that cycle is the first step to shifting it. The fact that you’re intentional about what you’ll carry forward is powerful—that’s how real change happens. Grateful this resonated with you! 🙌🏾
This was a great read!! I have been on a similar journey. Therapy has been exponentially helpful, creating boundaries has been HUGE and understanding I can love family from afar and want well wishes from for them without sacrificing my peace. Another one I inherited was codependency, the result I married a narcissist and was with him for over a decade because I didn’t see anything wrong with it until he tried to punch me in the face. That was the frying pan moment and I escaped that relationship awhile ago and now I’m in a happy healthy and loving marriage but if it wasn’t for therapy I honestly would not have gotten as far as I have with breaking these chains and stopping the trauma at me. I wrote a piece similar to this but with a focused topic but the message is the same and I feel like I have to share it because you made one comment that makes me know you can absolutely relate to what I wrote like I relate to this entire piece. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. It’s a needed discussion and I wish posts like these and the one I pasted would go viral because more eyes need to see them and know they are in fact not alone on this journey we all call life. Xoxo
https://open.substack.com/pub/badiana/p/ripples-of-hypocrisy?r=40jdh5&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Thank you for sharing your journey—I deeply appreciate your honesty and resilience. It takes so much strength to break those chains, set boundaries, and reclaim your peace, and I love that therapy has been such a powerful tool for you. Your story is a reminder that healing isn’t just about leaving the past behind, but about creating something better moving forward.
I appreciate you sharing your piece as well—I’ll definitely take the time to read it. These conversations are so needed, and I’m grateful we can connect through them.
I just subscribed to your Substack as well! Looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Sending you love and appreciation for the work you’re doing! 💛
Hi, first child here! 👋
So relatable!!!!
Ah, the firstborn life—unmatched and a lot! Glad you could relate!
It's a wonderful topic, Sara, and one most adults can relate to with varying levels of personal impact.
For all the angst and damage, there was a moment that I recognized my parents - my mother's weakness, anger and barbiturate addition and my father's alcoholism - as, simply, human beings. Empathy followed.
The consequence of this for me was also to recognize that key childhood developmental progresses didn't happen. I was left to determine what they were and how to heal them. I've found peace in that process.
Thank you for sharing this, Linda. That moment of recognizing our parents as human—flawed, struggling, and shaped by their own wounds—is such a profound shift.
Empathy doesn’t erase the damage, but it does offer a new lens for healing. And I love how you’ve framed your journey—acknowledging the gaps in childhood development, but also taking ownership of your healing. There’s so much power in that.
Wishing you continued peace in this process!
As the third child I was the observer. With emotionally immature, alcoholic parents I was the blunt protester, the injustice questioner, the courageous one.
That did not prevent trauma from accumulating, low self esteem, social anxiety, and general confusion of my role in life as my life passion for a future was deemed inappropriate.
Counselling, ACA and a deeply moving and challenging personal growth program helped unwind all of that. ACA taught me to break free of my family role for which my siblings have never forgiven me - "you think you're better than us".
All was not well though. Deeply painful Jekyll and Hyde mother issues haunted me. Finally, at 61, a Body Talk therapist helped me finally free myself of that trauma, vanquishing the final toxic piece.
I have learned in my journey that you're never fixed. What takes place is the gained awareness of those self-defeating voices that turn into whispers that we can shush.
That’s such a powerful journey—one of deep awareness, resilience, and ultimately, freedom. Breaking out of a family role, especially one that’s been reinforced for years, is never easy, and the resistance from others can be its own kind of grief. But choosing yourself isn’t about being “better,” it’s about being free.
I love what you said about never being fully fixed—just more aware, more equipped to quiet the voices that once dictated our lives. That awareness? That’s everything. Thank you for sharing this.
This is a very strong piece, this isn't necessarily my experience but thank you for sharing your story!
When it comes to breaking the cycle and doing right by our kids in everyday life, I strongly recommend "Good inside" by dr Becky Kennedy
Thank you so much for reading and for the recommendation! Good Inside has been on my list, and I’ve heard incredible things about Dr. Becky’s approach to parenting and healing. Breaking the cycle isn’t just about our own healing—it’s about creating a better foundation for the next generation. I appreciate you sharing this!
This is good. I hope more people get the courage to evolve and break toxic cycles like you are doing. While I don’t exactly relate to a lot of it because I’m a last child (although I’ve had to be a disrupter/cycle breaker as well) it’s generally tough because people tend to be stuck in their ways. I also think a greater part of healing happens in isolation to be very honest, it’s a lonely road with a lot of shedding and rebuilding
You’re so right—breaking cycles is hard, especially when people around us resist change. It takes courage to disrupt patterns, whether as the eldest, the youngest, or anywhere in between. And yes, healing can be incredibly lonely at times—there’s so much unlearning and rebuilding that happens in solitude. But even in isolation, we find others walking a similar path, and that’s where the real transformation begins. Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks for sharing this. I connect with this deeply and am writing a piece about it myself. Our initial reactions to things that make us uncomfortable is the past trying to reassert itself in our lives.
I love the way you put that—our discomfort really is the past trying to reclaim space in the present. Becoming aware of it is the first step to breaking free.
I’d love to read your piece when it’s ready—these are the conversations that push us toward healing.
Thank you! I’ll be posting my first piece in about a week. I hope you will subscribe. It’s finding authors like you and pieces like this that help reaffirm the path that I am on.
That means a lot—thank you! I’ll definitely keep an eye out for your piece. It’s powerful to see how these conversations connect us and reaffirm the healing work we’re doing.
I just subscribed, I hope you will too. Wishing you all the best as you share your story—I’m sure it will resonate deeply with so many.